


If You Can't Be Good (Be Lucky) - The Secret History of Neal Caffrey

by elrhiarhodan



Series: The Secret History of Neal Caffrey [10]
Category: Kingsman (Movies), White Collar
Genre: Crossover, Harry Hart is Dead (still), Implied Relationships, M/M, Mention of Peter Burke, Merlin as Arthur, Merlin-Eggsy Friendship, Neal has superior observation skills, Non-Canon Compliant to The Golden Circle, Pre-Neal/Eggsy, The Most Ridiculous Honeypots Ever, This Explains Neal Caffrey and his estraordinary and amazing skills, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 20:20:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17311226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elrhiarhodan/pseuds/elrhiarhodan
Summary: Merlin and Eggsy spar in the boxing ring in the Kingsman gym every week, if they're both free of other obligations.  Watching them spar has become something of an event for the Kingsman agents and tech support.  They've been at this for a while, but Eggsy still hasn't been able to put Merlin on the mat.  Neal Caffrey, now Agent Tristan for the past few months, finally gets a chance to watch Merlin and Eggsy in action.





	If You Can't Be Good (Be Lucky) - The Secret History of Neal Caffrey

**Author's Note:**

> This story came to me, fully formed from start to finish during the final fifteen minutes of my drive home last night. Rather than tuck it away, I decided to write it right away and to do my best to keep it under two thousand words.
> 
> This is a true timestamp, set a few months after [When Tomorrow Comes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16954944), after Neal's relationship with Eggsy has greatly improved.

Once, when the Kingsman mansion in Herefordshire used to be, well, a _mansion_ , the vast gymnasium facility had once been a ballroom, complete with space for a small symphony orchestra. Nowadays, at any given hour, one could find agents and technicians and support staff training on an almost unimaginable array of equipment - from the expected (wrestling rings) to the refined (a fencing salle) to the ridiculous (a complete set of Olympic caliber mens' and womens' gymnastics equipment).

And in the center of it all is the regulation-sized boxing ring. 

Neal makes his way through Kingsman HQ, towards the gym, but his goal isn't to use any of the equipment; no, today, he's an interested observer. He's worn the mantle of Tristan for a few months and has most of the staff eating out of his hand. It doesn't hurt that he's usually in the company of such staff favorites as the young Galahad and Lancelot, or that many of them remember him as a polite and appreciative recruit from all those year ago. They feed him gossip as often as they push tea and biscuits on him.

The gossip he's heard from multiple sources is that on Thursday afternoons at two o'clock, when Galahad isn't on mission and Arthur isn't urgently needed as Merlin, the two men spar in the center ring. Today, Neal knows that Eggsy's back at HQ. Eggsy had texted, wanting to know if he'd like to meet for dinner tonight. A brief detour down to the Quartermaster's office and he's charmed one of the handlers into telling him that Merlin's out and about, not hunkered down in front of his screens.

It goes without saying that Neal expects to find the two men engaged in a rather brutal exhibition of the sport. Merlin isn't some stuck-up aristocrat who lives (and dies) by the Marquess of Queensbury rules and Eggsy is the living definition of a street brawler. What Neal doesn't expect is that there's a crowd of spectators four-deep around the ring. 

As politely as possible, Neal elbows his way ringside. He's right about the fighting style; there's nothing civilized at how Merlin and Galahad go each other. Merlin has quite a bit of boxing technique and uses his height and his reach to keep Eggsy at a distance. But when Eggsy gets in close, he's fast and he's brutal. 

Neal's is reluctantly rooting for Merlin since he always roots for the underdog. But his rooting abruptly stops when Merlin unleashes himself, using skill and speed and power to take Eggsy out, like a wolf taking down a deer. 

And with that, civility returns. Merlin pulls off his glove and extends a hand to Eggsy, helping him up from the mat. The crowd of agents and techs and support staff go back to their own devices, but not before Neal sees cash change hands. He wonders who had been the odd-on favorite and whether he can get in on the action.

He has his answers within a week. Merlin and Eggsy always spar for a maximum of three rounds, Eggsy has gotten better at actually getting under Merlin's defenses and landing some serious punches, but he has never knocked Merlin on his ass - the de facto end of the match. 

According to Bors, Eggsy's probably the most lethal hand-to-hand fighter of all of the Kingsman agents, but Merlin's simply the best boxer. If they'd been in a wrestling ring or using krav maga, Eggsy could break Merlin in half with his thighs. But boxing, that's Merlin's thing. Still according to Bors, Merlin had been a legend in the British Army, and supposedly, he'd defeated the best that Fidel Castro had to offer during several underground matches in the early 1980s.

"So, do people still bet on Galahad?"

"We live in hope and die in despair. One day, Galahad will make a few of us a little richer - hopeful before we retire. Not that we need it."

Neal asks, with idle curiosity, "What's the buy-in?"

"Five hundred quid a match."

Neal whistles. "That's not cheap."

But Bors just shrugs. "Not a lot of places to spend the wads of cash Kingsman deposits in my account ever other week. And there's only so much high-end single malt Scotch a man can drink and still function."

Neal has to agree. Kingsman now pays the lease on his flat, stocks his refrigerator, provides his wardrobe and car and just about everything else. He dines out and pays with a credit card that gets billed to Kingsman. He supposes it's a set of golden handcuffs and a way to deter defections. MI-6 is government service, and even with hazard pay, the salary for a field agent is about the same as it would be for a senior administrator. Which is to say, not very much in the grand scheme of things. And rarely do foreign governments have deep enough pockets to make defecting worthwhile for a Kingsman.

He tells Bors to count him in for Eggsy for the next five matches. Bors grins and claps Neal on the shoulder.

Now Neal only has to make sure that Eggsy wins.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

To Neal's dismay, he's sent to Paris to seduce a Latvian arms dealer to get information on some British Army weaponry that had gone missing in Gibraltar during the chaos following V-Day. Xenia has thighs that rival Galahad's; Neal comes home with news that the arms are headed to the Ukraine and a body sore enough that he stops at medical for some prescription-grade pain cream after the debriefing (the figurative, not literal kind). Bors is there getting treated for some mild burns and lets him know that Eggsy has shipped out, so there'd been no match on Thursday.

Neal's given a few days to recover before his next mission, another honeypot and more missing guns, but this time in Venice. Merlin politely tells him that he should not, under any circumstance - barring imminent death - jump off of the Rialto Bridge. 

"I make no promises," is his flippant and insincere reply to Merlin. After all, Peter's not there to give chase.

Venice is another three weeks, and Alberto the arms dealer is a much more considerate lover than Xenia. It also rains for the entire three weeks and Neal ruins every pair of shoes he's brought with him.

When he returns to HQ, it's early on a Thursday afternoon and Neal gets a message from Eggsy asking if he wants to do dinner. Neal checks his usual sources in the Quartermaster's office and finds that Merlin's on his way down to the gym.

 _Good_.

Neal doesn't bother changing out of his ruined shoes and heads straight for the gym. The crowd is smaller this week - perhaps because Eggsy's been out of town for so many weeks and people have gotten out of the habit of attending the matches. That's fine by Neal, he can walk around the ring and get the best vantage point.

Both men are in peak form from the bell at the start of the first round. Eggsy's sharp and presses his attacks carefully, but Merlin's able to keep just out of range. They are both still cautious in the second round and Neal wonders if Merlin has any weaknesses, if his height and reach will make him invincible against Eggsy. 

A minute-ninety into the second round, and Merlin goes with a combination uppercut/crosscut that just misses, and not only that, Merlin drops his shoulder and leaves his right side vulnerable. Eggsy gets in a flurry of rabbit punches that pushes Merlin back against the ropes. Merlin tries the combination again and misses again, and again drops his shoulder.

If this had been a professional match, Neal might have believed that the fight was rigged. But there's no reason to rig the match - not even for the relatively steep wagers the agents have placed. 

Merlin lands two solid punches to Eggsy's gut before the bell rings and the fighters head to their corners.

Eggsy spots Neal and pulls off his headgear. "You're back."

"Yeah, obviously." Neal returns the grin. It's hard not to give way to Eggsy's sunny charm. 

"How was Venice?"

"It's still sinking." Neal holds out a foot with the ruined shoe. "I came here straight from the plane. Someone's going to have my nuts in a vice for not doing my debrief first."

"Want me to knock him out for you?" Eggsy looks back over his sweaty shoulder at Merlin.

"Rumor has it that you've never managed to do that."

Eggsy shrugs. "There's always a first time."

Neal gestures for Eggsy to lean down close. "Merlin drops his right shoulder and opens up when he's going for that uppercut/crosscut combo. You get in close, you can send him to the mat."

Eggsy nods slowly and heads back toward the center of the ring, replacing his mouth guard and headgear.

Neal holds his breath as the third round bell rings. Eggsy could get too aggressive with that information and become careless or he can leave himself too open, trying to goad Merlin into making the combo play. But he doesn't, Eggsy's too good and too experienced a fighter, even against someone who so clearly outclasses him in the boxing ring.

It seems like the fight is going to be a draw when Merlin opens up for that combination. Eggsy takes perfect advantage, first dropping down to get under Merlin's guard, then releasing a punishing uppercut that sends Merlin to the mat.

Neal rocks back on his heels, not at all sure that he's seen what he's seen. But when Eggsy returns the curtesy that Merlin usually extends to him, offering him help up off the mat, Neal believes his eyes.

There are a few cheers, quite a few groans (after all, the majority of the spectators _have_ bet on Merlin), and Eggsy flashes Neal an even brighter smile than before.

Neal leaves the gym and heads over to the administrative offices. Even if Arthur isn't available to take his debriefing, there's always Arthur's assistant to take down the preliminary details. 

By the time he's finished and found a new pair of shoes, Eggsy's waiting for him, dressed in perfect Kingman tailoring. In true gladiatorial tradition, Neal wines and dines Eggsy to celebrate the victory. He doesn't think twice about dropping nearly two thousand pounds on a bottle of '84 Bordeaux. 

Eggsy's worth it.

__

FIN


End file.
